I read horror stories online about all of the issues other people have had with their minis which makes me want to sell mine before something really goes wrong with it. We've been taking it to Mini of Peabody which has been OK as far as service. Every time my wife takes it in there to have an oil change they tell her it needs a bunch of extra service to which she has learned to always so "NO".
She recently bought it in for an oil change and to see why the "check engine soon" light was on. They told her the light would go off when they did the oil change. Really? It's a fucking mini dealer and they don't know better than this? While they had it there they did a service recall, for a second time, on the passenger air bag. Nearly 3 hours later she was leaving and noticed after she got into the car the service light was still on. She went back in to talk to the service advisor she originally spoke with and he denied she told him the light was on. Even if she didn't tell him the light shows up directly in your face as soon as you start the car. You would think they would at least advise her about it. Nope, the mechanic said he was told to just do an oil change and that's what he did. At this point the service manager stepped in and told her she would have to leave it in order for them to investigate it. Really? Just hook up an OBD scanner and you'll know in 60 seconds. The good news is we got to drive around in a 2019 mini for a day as a loaner car.
The next day they called her back to say when they connected the OBD scanner it didn't return any codes. Really? Maybe check your scanner? Nope. They said they connected a different dash panel to the car and that one didn't show service light. Really? Did it show anything? You know the fucking panels are coded to the particular car, right? They told her they have to replace the panel at a cost of $1,500. Really? At this point I got involved and called "Ricky" at Peabody. I asked him if he really thought it was the panel and if they had tried a different OBD reader. He said yes to both. I told him all I was trying to do was get the car through annual inspection (thanks to my socialist state of Massachusetts) and if the OBD showed no error codes then it should pass no problem. He agreed and so I told him to just do an inspection on the car. He told me they don't do state inspections. Really? It must be the only dealer in Massachusetts that doesn't do state inspections. That's normally a fucking cash cow for most dealership service departments.
So at this point I decided to take it through inspection at the local gas station I usually use for such things knowing full well it wasn't going to pass. I discussed the issue with the station owner and he said the dealer was full of shit. I agreed but at this point I need to at least get the failed inspection sticker so I would have another 60 days to work on it without having to worry about being pulled over. Of course it failed and owner came out after with his OBD scanner and got the code for me. P316A is the code and based on my searching indicates "Engine Coolant Temperature Signal Stuck High.".
As part of my wife's infinite searching on mini issues she saw that many others have suggested that having a weak battery can lead to erroneous codes. The existing battery is original to the car and we often have to put a charger on it since we drive it so infrequently. This seemed like an easy thing to change to see if it resolves the issue. Changing a battery. How hard could that be?
So I lifted the hood (bonnet for you English hacks) and found the battery compartment. Removing the terminals was easy but alas there is no handle to pull the battery out. I figured surely there must be a way to squeeze my fingers along side the battery to pull it out. Nope. Fucking Germans make the battery holder precisely the same size as the battery with barely enough room for one finger to feel the edge of the top the battery. Just enough room to make you think you could get it but no. So then I thought there must be something else I can remove around the compartment to give me access to the side of the battery. Nope. It's a single piece of molded plastic. Fucking Germans. I'm sure they have a special tool at the shop for this.
So then I thought about using something that could hook on the edges of the battery. I thought about using a metal close hanger but I didn't that would be strong enough. Searching the piles of endless shit that is my basement (yah, I'm one of those people) I found a piece of aluminum that was part of yoke for one of my many snow rakes that I have purchased over the years. If you live where it snows allot you know what a snow rake is. This piece of aluminum was about 15" long, 3/4" wide and about 1/8" thick. Thin enough to slide along side of the battery but strong enough to hold the weight of the battery. Below are the pictures of my battery removal tool fabrication and the glorious video of me removing the battery.
The battery compartment from hell.
The starting piece of aluminum. Notice the "fabrication" tool on the right.
The first hook. Should have been tighter but hey, it's the first hook.
Gauging the first bend point.
The first bend complete.
The second hook and bend. I'm getting much better at this!
Too fucking long. In need of an adjustment to fit the perfect width of the battery.
Perfection. Certainly not up to German standards but good enough for an American.
Cue the angels singing and light streaming from above.
The empty hole.
Success! Now available on eBay for $39.95.
